Posted in Fun, Human Tendency, Humour, Inspiration, Motivation, Personality, Sarcasm, Sarcastic, Slogging

I am Judgemental – Are You too?

Today, I am here to accept and reveal the fact that I am Judgemental (as if anyone cares). Okay, I accept that I am mental too, but that’s not the point of discussion in this blog, so you better concentrate on the core issue right now, instead of forcing me to reveal all my unique characteristics here. You can accuse me as much as you want but that’s still not going to change the fact, even a bit. I am Judgemental and I am going to stay like that forever.

Sorry to disappoint you, but I am not ashamed in accepting the fact that I am Judgemental. On the contrary, I feel proud of “Being Judgemental”. Hey, what did you just murmur? You think it’s a matter of shame for me? Trust me, after reading this blog, you yourself are going to be desperate enough to “Be Judgemental” [Shhh! This is a trap to make you read my blog (*Winks*)].

To start with, let us refer a dictionary to check and understand what does the word ‘Judgemental’ actually mean? Out of the 7 definitions available, I think the one that most appropriately defines the word Judgemental is “The capacity to assess situations or circumstances shrewdly and to draw sound conclusions”. [Reference: Word Web Dictionary, the free version (I am miser too)].

Now let us try to dissect and understand the essence of this definition.

  • The capacity to assess situations or circumstances” – The definition starts with these words, which actually refers to the potentiality of someone to evaluate situations or circumstances. These carefully chosen words indicate towards a person who possesses the skill to appraise situations/circumstances/individuals that come across her/him.
  • Shrewdly” – Then comes the word shrewdly in the definition. The word Shrewd herewith means “Marked by practical hard-headed intelligence”. Practical hard-headed means that the level of intelligence needs to be guided by practical experience and observation rather than theory. [Reference: Word Web Dictionary].
  • And to draw sound conclusions” – The definition ends with these words, which in fact means that the ultimate aim towards assessing anything is to draw sound conclusions. A sound conclusion may signify an outcome which is good enough or which can be logically validated. These words represent that Judgemental Person’s always aspire to achieve sound results by their judgements.

Hence, from the above-mentioned definition, we can conclude that “A Judgemental person signifies someone who is smart and capable enough to evaluate situations/circumstances/individuals, with a practically hard-headed intelligence, in order to draw sound conclusions”. Ahem! Doesn’t the word “Judgemental” or “Being Judgemental” sound good all of a sudden? And till now you were unnecessarily feeling bad over someone calling or rather accusing you of “Being Judgemental”.

I am sure after reading and most importantly ‘understanding’ the above definition, the majority of the readers will agree with me that they are Judgemental and there is nothing wrong in “Being Judgemental”. (See I am again Judgemental to think that majority of the readers are smart enough). In fact “Being Judgemental” is the best trait one can and should possess. So don’t you all think that you are smart enough to possess this quality of “Being Judgemental”?

In case you still have some doubts left, then also nothing to worry about because I am not going to leave you in the middle of nowhere and vanish just like that. In the following paragraphs, I will try to explain with the logic that how and why “Being Judgemental” is extremely important for all of us (just like intake of oxygen).

Do you take any decision based on your Gut Feelings? Did you ever give it a thought that how your gut feelings actually work? Let me tell you that “Gut feelings work only when we are Judgemental about a situation/circumstance/individual”. Hence, the prerequisite for Gut Feelings is “Being Judgemental”. If you are not Judgemental in assessing a situation or a person well in advance, then do you even think that it will be possible for you to take any decision based on your gut feelings?

All those who encounter situations wherein they have to make choices based on their gut feelings are in a far better position to understand this point. Say, for example, you are all alone on a lonely road, at some odd hour of the day, and you desperately need help from someone to drop you home. Now in this situation, just think that will you blindly take help from the very first person who arrives on that lonely road or will you activate your gut feelings to decide from whom you need to take help, out of all those persons who come forward to offer you help? Without fail you have to be Judgemental in this situation so that you can save yourself from an alarming situation. Hence, knowingly or unknowingly we all are Judgemental.

Irrespective of all the above positive sides about “Being Judgemental”, let me warn you that there is a negative side attached to it as well. The only problem with “Being Judgemental” arises when we are not ready to accept the ‘reality’ over our judgement. I mean a lot many times our judgement will turn out to be wrong (For your information, my ratio of Judgement turning out to be wrong is 100%).

In all such situations when our judgement goes wrong, what is required from our end is to show some maturity and accept the fact that we are humans, and hence, we can go wrong at times in judging the people or the output of any circumstance/situation. Sticking to our Judgement, even after it turns out to be wrong, is simply foolishness on our part. Instead, it will be better on our part to accept the reality and take learning from it, so that we can be a better Judge the next time. If we can win over this shortcoming of ours then trust me “Being Judgemental” is a characteristic which everyone should possess and in fact feel proud about it.

I hope that it is very much clear now that there goes a lot of thought process in “Being Judgemental”. So each one of you should be extremely proud for “Being Judgemental” and pat your back for owning such a good quality (*Collars Up*). All those who still have any doubts on this subject matter are requested to read this blog again and again, till they get assured about the goodness of this characteristic.

The next time anyone accuses you of “Being Judgemental”, do thank him/her/it (‘it’ because even robots can accuse us in this digital age). And don’t you dare forget to thank me in your mind on every such occasion, else I am going to Judge you as “Being Ungrateful” (*Coughs*).

God Bless you all! Stay in touch.

Peyush Jain

Posted in Feminist, Fun, Humour, Men, Relationship, Sarcasm, Sarcastic, Slogging, Woman

Happy International Omen’s Day…Oops, Happy International Women’s Day – Part 2

To all those who are confused that why I am referring it as an Omen’s Day instead of Women’s Day. I would just like to say that I am not going to apprise you on the same and hence to know the secret behind it, you all need to go through the first part of this blog i.e. Happy International Omen’s Day…Oops, Happy International Women’s Day. In that blog, the proceedings of the entire case are published, which justifies that why it is an International Omen’s Day too. (And yes, you can very well consider this act of mine as a self-promotion exercise of my other blog to get more views *winks*).

Whoops, at the outset, I apologize for being late in wishing all the females out there “A Very Happy International Omen’s Day…Oops, Happy International Women’s Day”. Please accept my apologies and trust me there is no fault of mine in this unintentional delay. As a yearly ritual, once again on the eve of 8th March, I was shaken up from my sound sleep just to remind me that today is the International Women’s day.

Okay, I agree to the fact that the tons of messages overflowing from every corner in the virtual world hardly let us forget anything these days. But tell me frankly for getting enlightened, one needs to first login into the virtual world, right? And here I am, a lazy soul who most of the times don’t even like to login into the real world. I am sure now you can imagine my situation very well. So, now you only decide that shouldn’t I be getting the benefit of the doubt and hence forgiven?

Now keeping all the crap aside, let me take this opportunity to ask one simple question to all the ladies from Venus (Don’t you know that all the females come from Venus?) that when each and every single day is entirely yours, what is the need for having one single day know as Women’s Day dedicated to you all. I mean you should emphasise on celebrating Women’s Day, the entire year, 365 days, 24*7 hours. Just to have only one single day dedicated to you is so unfair. It is actually against Women’s Rights. Let’s join together and raise our voice against this serious issue of violating your birthright (As if we male have an option not to join in anything that you stand for).

Trust me just a single day dedicated to you lovely souls is nothing else but an insult. Isn’t it equivalent to a Prime Minister showing his consent to fight a Ward Election? Okay, I realise that it’s an irrelevant example and above all nowadays, the Prime Ministers can fight for Ward Elections too, if it helps them in pitching some more Jumlas. Phew! I am drifting from the core serious issue. Okay, I am back on track, but you please don’t counter it by saying that when love should be celebrated every single day then what is the point of having a day dedicated to love known as Valentine’s Day. You know it right, that we males can never win any argument with you smart souls, so just ignore such intelligent thoughts (*joins my hands*).

Okay, I realise that I have bugged you a lot with all the nonsense crap, which I am expert in. So before you kick me out, let me make my move and vanish. Once again, I wish all the women a Very Happy International Women’s Day! Thanks for being there and making this world a beautiful place to live in. Life without you is unimaginable. Keep obliging us with your presence in our life. Do take a good care of yourself, keep smiling, be happy and stay fit and fine always.

God bless you all! Stay in touch.

Peyush Jain

Posted in Feminist, Fun, Humour, Men, Relationship, Sarcasm, Sarcastic, Slogging, Woman

Happy International Omen’s Day…Oops Happy International Women’s Day

Happy International Omen’s Day…Oops, I mean Happy International Women’s Day. Sorry for the misspelling, but wait, I think there is no harm in addressing it as an Omen’s (Warning) day too. Come on, now don’t scare me with those frown looks. Don’t you know that there is always some logic behind everything that comes from this side? Okay, Okay, sorry once again, I just realized that “most of the time”, I talk illogical crap. What now? Why you raising your eyebrows again? I can see that your eyebrows are perfectly trimmed, the eyeliner is accurately lined up and the eyeshadow is quite mesmerising, but still, as I have a weak heart, so please stop frightening me always. Grrrr, you are not going to listen to me right? Fine, I stand corrected again, “I ALWAYS talk illogical crap”. Gosh, you guys always take advantage of my honesty and innocence.

Your honour (Dear Women), kindly allow me to present my case, in order to prove my stand that why this day could also be addressed as an Omen’s Day. I assure you that if you are not satisfied with my arguments (which is highly probable), then I will agree to whatever you decide, in the said case. I know, mentioning the last statement hardly mattered, because we men never have a chance to decide on anything in which the smarter gender i.e. Woman is involved. And, with my personal experience, “without any shame”, I can admit that in most of the decisions that we male take, “ignoring or going against the wish of a woman”, we have a consistent track record of messing up things. So, I better let all the women’s to be the judge to decide on this issue and I will accept the judgement gracefully, later on (as if I had any other choice).

So, with your due permission, Your Honour, I would like to start the proceedings of this case, under consideration, with the honourable Women’s Court. With utmost due respect to all the women, I herewith list down the various arguments in favour of my plea i.e. why is it rightful to address this day as an Omen’s (Warning) Day, especially for we men.

  1. It’s a day to warn every stupid male like me that there are smarter souls known as Woman on this planet, who have the courage and the talent to slash away anyone who tries to act ‘smart’ with them. Realization: The sooner, the better it will be if we men realize that our brain is not in our head (I request you to kindly read the next statement before you start locating our brain at some weird places in our body). Actually, it would be best on our part to admit the fact that we men don’t have a working brain. Trust me this self-realization and acceptance will help us in long run, not only by acting as a shield against any foolish thing that we are surely going to attempt, time and again. But also, it will help in proving that the theory, which says that “a man’s brain is located at some weird place in his body” is null and void (Shhhhh, I know this theory is true to core, but don’t you all man agree with me that it’s better to be adjudged as brainless, than to get teased regularly for having brain at some weird place?).
  1. This day comes with a warning to every man that not only this date but each and every single date, along with at least the occasion concerned, needs to be remembered by heart, if we wish to survive peacefully throughout our life. Example: All those dates (if any), where you dared to get into any kind of verbal arguments/fights with a woman, along with the time and reason thereof. It is noteworthy here to mention that the reason for arguments/fights that need to be remembered should not be the core issue on which the arguments/fights actually started, rather it should be the one where it ultimately led to, like, why was the finger being raised, why did you shout, why were you laughing in the mid of a serious discussion and the list goes, on and on. Similarly, other dates like date of birth, date of your first Date, date of marriage, date of the first fight (yes really), date of this and date of that, all needs to be remembered without fail. All in all, an event calendar is supposed to be hanging by default in our head (for that reason, wherever that head is located in our body). Try forgetting any date that is ‘important’ as per the definition of a woman, after that be assured that you will never forget any date in any of your future incarnations too.
  1. It warns us that if we love our life and want to simply live then we can’t be an enemy of this powerful soul. In simple words, it reminds us that we need to agree and surrender to the women’s wish for a peaceful world. Proverb: “Pani mein rahkar, magar se bair nahi kartey” (You cannot live in Rome and fight with Pope). Even if we take a slight possibility that one daring man tries to stand against the women, then let us check beforehand, whether there are any chances of his surviving against all odds or not. Will he score more on smartness, dedication, commitment, leadership qualities, pain tolerating capacity, caring and selfless love? The answer to any of such attributes is a straightaway ‘No’. Yes, a man can never match their scale however hard he may try (I am an exception though). As such, it is better for each one of us to accept the Women Power and crown them the indisputable ruler. Why waste our limited energy in a lost battle? In case any man still has the slightest doubt then I would like to draw his attention towards the warning that “do you love your life and want to live or not”.
  1. It’s an open warning to every man that all women are same and should be looked upon and treated at par. Dare you, this does not mean that we men got the license to stare wishfully at every other woman. As if you are going to stop staring in absence of any valid licence? Now please come out of your dreams, stop drooling and concentrate. On a serious note, this point only talks about the due respect and equality which every woman deserves. Precaution: In the larger interest of the male fraternity, it would be right to mention here that don’t follow this rule blindly. What I mean to say here is that every time a woman asks your opinion about her looks, dress, etcetera, you should not take a reference to this point and later on blame me. In such circumstances, you are not supposed to utter that all woman were looking good (which depicts equality) or that her clothes were as good as the lady in so and so attire (which depicts nothing more than that you were staring that lady the entire time, which is your favourite hobby right). I guarantee that you will be in a deep mess if you try to reply like that. Instead, you should be complimenting her without comparisons and obviously, your replies have to revolve around her praises (I hope you remember the proverb mentioned in point number 3 above).
  1. The above-mentioned list is not exhaustive and if required, more arguments could be laid on the table, in any future hearings, as per the orders of the honourable and learned judges.

Now, I would like to end my arguments with the sheer hope that my points will be taken up in the right sense and the case shall be decided upon the merits concerned, without giving any thoughts to points like my dressing sense, my appearance, the colour of the courtroom walls, the mismatch between the colour of the furniture and the walls, etcetera. I herewith put my case in the Women’s court to decide on the issue concerned or on anything that they think is appropriate to decide upon, “irrespective of the core issue”. Your highness, now the ball is in your court.

Once again, I wish all the women a Very Happy International Women’s Day! Thanks for being a part of our life and mending the hopeless males like me so that we can at least qualify to be considered somewhere near to be a human. Thanks for obliging us by your mere presence on this planet earth. Life would have been dull and boring, without your colourful soul. You give meaning to our live. Men and Women are like two wheels of a vehicle; in absence of one, the other is incomplete. Stay together and be there always.

Be happy and stay fit and fine. Do take a very good care of you (I mean over and above the pedicures, manicures, upper lips, blah blah blah).

Be in touch.

God bless you all!

Peyush Jain

Posted in Fun, Happiness, Human Tendency, Humour, Life, Sarcasm, Sarcastic, Single, Slogging

Yes, I am Single but not ready to mingle

Statutory Warning: This blog is a tribute to all the Single souls out there. Oops, I forgot to mention one important thing i.e. Single souls by ‘choice’. So all the Single souls enjoy this blog and feel proud of ‘Being Single’. After all, until the time you are single, you hold the position of the most eligible bachelor/spinster on earth. At the same time, this blog will also reveal the harsh truth about the matchmakers who are obsessed with snatching away the freedom of every single soul, “which comes under their radar”. So I urge every such matchmaker to stay away from this blog, as it is definitely going to brutally hurt your emotions and crush your so called ‘caring’ feelings, especially towards singles. On the contrary, to be very frank, actually this blog is meant to serve that purpose only, so I don’t care if it hurts your social endeavour, in any manner. And yes, the genuine matchmakers who don’t irritate, but rather help in meeting the ‘interested’ persons, should not be bothered about the facts mentioned herewith, because this blog solely talks about the ‘irritating matchmakers’.

First of all, I would like to raise my palm to give a high-five to all the ‘happy’ Single souls on the planet earth. Oh, My God, so many of you are there and you all actually seem to be happy. Wait a minute, after considering the number of Happy Singles, I just changed my mind and I would better not opt to do a high-five to each one of you personally, as it is surely going to pain my ‘manicured’ palms. Okay now stop laughing on my ignorance, I acknowledge the fact that I am not aware whether palms are wrapped up in the package of manicure or not. I don’t waste money on manicures and pedicures (free coupons are always welcomed though). Anyway, let me do a mass high-five to all of you. Welcome to the gang guys.

I am sure every Single Soul, must have come across the super obsessed matchmakers at some point in their life. Gosh, these matchmakers are a real pain in the _________. Pleaseeeee guys don’t be abusive in your thoughts. I meant that they are a pain in the entire body. However, by any chance, if you are single, yet you escaped such irritating encounter with any matchmaker then you should feel proud of being extremely lucky and blessed.

Nevertheless, I am sorry to disappoint you but today I will surely break that record of yours and annoy you with a series of questions/statements that those irritating matchmakers consistently throws towards the Single souls. At the same time, I will also enlighten you with the answers that come to my mind against those idiotic questions. Just in case, you thought that I am brave enough to reply them with these answers, I would simply say that I wish I could. Alas, all these answers I keep inside my mind and don’t vomit on the face of matchmakers. You know, after all, I have to maintain my reputation and behave well in front of the world, so that I don’t lose that crown of “Most Eligible Bachelor” (As if I care for such crowns). Anyway, tighten your waist belts and let me hit your mind with the series of common questions/statements that are usually fired by the irritating matchmakers towards the singles –

  • What is your age? 1) Sorry to say but I have crossed the marriage age long ago and will be eligible for the annuity by the next month. Ans. 2) Unfortunately for you, I have attained the age where I can take decisions on my own.
  • Why aren’t you getting married 1) Whom are you going to poke if I also get married? Ans. 2) So that you can entertain yourself, time and again, with your annoying interrogation.
  • Tell me if you have someone in your life or anyone in your mind 1) Yes, Yes, why not? After all, you are the only person on earth whom I trust to share my secrets. Ans. 2) So that you can gossip about it to everyone else right?
  • You will not find a right match after a certain age 1) Oh! Are you going to retire from this noble job and wouldn’t be there in the near future to find a right match for me? Ans. 2) Wouldn’t it be great because that will indeed save someone’s life from getting spoiled because of me?
  • There is a right age of everything 1) What is the right age when a person should legally stop interfering in someone else’s personal life? Ans. 2) Please tell me the age which “as per your criteria” qualifies to be the maximum age of marrying, so that the next time you ask me, I will ensure to have crossed that age without fault.
  • At least think about your parents, how much worried they are about your marriage 1) Oh really? Are they? But to me, you sound more worried than my parents. Do you have any plans to adopt me? Ans. 2) Aren’t you the one who keeps asking my parents awkward questions about my marriage to make them worry? However, sorry to disappoint you but my parents are also cool like me; they don’t care about the crap you spit out.
  • Who will be there with you in your old age 1) Are you sure I am going to survive that long? On the contrary, I think I might be hanged soon for killing a matchmaker. Ans. 2) I am too hot to catch the attention of all the eyes, even in my old age.
  • Are you physically alright 1) Why don’t you spent a night with me and enjoy oops confirm for yourself? Ans. 2) My mind could not come up with anything better than the first answer to this question. I literally laugh and they start thinking that I have gone mad, so they stop poking me with any more questions.

I am sure after knowing the kind of questions these people ask, everyone must be super excited to know the secret behind their energy. So, on your behalf, with utmost due disrespect, I would ask the lovely matchmakers that what is the secret behind their energy? I mean do you guys ever get tired? Can’t you leave the happy single souls on their fate?

However, there is also a positive side to such matchmakers. I mean they are so focused on their job that we all, especially the sales professionals should learn from them how to irritate, convince and mould people as per our own wish. Yes, their success rate is unbeatable. They are able to snatch away the freedom of a lot of single souls. Their dedication towards their passion is commendable. They have all the qualities to be awarded a ‘Doctorate in Leeching’. They are actually ‘Human Leech’. If anyone wants to pursue Doctorate in Leeching then without any arguments such people are an institution in themselves. Their life should be adopted as a case study. By studying their life, we can conclude that some of the must-have attributes in a real successful matchmaker are Dedicated, Passionate, Non-Egoistic, Shameless, Brain Washer, Irritating, Illogical, Go-getter and Never accept a no.

These Match Makers don’t leave a single place to hunt for their next prey. You can see them hunting in social gatherings like marriages, parties, formal/informal meetings. They go to the extent that they don’t leave any chance to find out single souls even in an obituary gathering or an official meet, as well. I mean they should first get their mind fixed and then think of fixing others. In medical terms, such people are known as a psychopath. They even act as a consultant to the families of Single souls. They suggest the families a number of ‘time-tested’ emotional tactics to convince the happy Singles to get locked in the bond of marriage. They are the reason of all the melodramas occurring in our life, all of a sudden, with the focus of everyone around us shifting to the single agenda of getting us married. I mean I don’t have a problem and I am not against the custom of marriage, but why to force someone to get into that and then feel suffocated later.

On a serious note, I would like to suggest the matchmakers that they should be much more scientific in their approach and hunt for unhappy single souls to ruin their life, instead of wasting their “not so precious” time on the happy singles. Nowadays, there are a lot of data analytics and customer taste-predicting companies, which will be more than eager to help you find the unhappy singles. Take help of them and use their services to hunt for your next prey. At the same time, I would also suggest that why don’t you do an introspection about whether in this era of social networking do you guys even fit anywhere in the society? I mean wake up before it’s too late and you start suffocating in this world, where no one might be ready to seek your help in matchmaking.

I would rather like to top up a word ‘Match Fakers’ for all those who think that it is their birthright to irritate and brainwash every single happy soul and get them fixed, by hook or by crook, “with the match suggested by them”.

So all the Single souls now you know that there is nothing to worry about the match fakers and there is absolutely no need to get into any kind of social pressure. Just relax and enjoy your life because you are not travelling alone in this journey, we all are there with you. Just in case, you find someone right to spend your life with, you can surely resign from our ‘Single Soul Club’ and we will be happy to release you because we don’t force people to stay in our club. We just want people to be happy whether or not they are single. And those of you who actually started thinking that there is any such club, in reality, I would just say that not on papers but at hearts we are surely connected and we don’t need a club. After all, this is an era of virtual social networks, who cares about real clubs.

Enjoy ‘Being Single’, stay happy and keep smiling. God bless you all and may the almighty give good sense to the obsessed match fakers too.

Be in touch!


Peyush Jain

Posted in Feminist, Fun, Human Tendency, Humanist, Humour, Men, Sarcasm, Sarcastic, Slogging

Men will be Men

Statutory Warning: I am a real man and extremely proud to be one. I am a ‘humanist’ and I believe in equal rights for everyone, irrespective of the gender, caste, creed, colour etcetera. However, compliments like a pervert, male chauvinist or likewise are most welcome, “if anyone gets the urge to do so”, especially after reading this blog. I assure you that all such compliments will be highly appreciated and shall be accepted with a bow (without an arrow).

“Men will be Men” when people say this phrase, what exactly do they mean? Do they want every man to turn up into a pretty woman, one fine day? I mean are men supposed to check their gender every single morning in anticipation to be amazed one fortunate day, when they get transformed into a woman, in place of the ‘stupid’ man lying on the bed last night and the very reason of their birth will eventually get accomplished that day?

This blog will try to flush away all such confusions from the mind of every soul. It is dedicated to all the real man out there. This is an attempt to enlighten the world that “Man is an emotional HUMAN being”.

Let me take this opportunity to highlight some of the basic attributes that are an integral part of a ‘Real Man’ anatomy, with the appropriate reasons thereof. Don’t raise your eyebrows; just let your preconceived notions rest for some time, while you dive in depth of this blog.

Master in optimum utilization of resources – Man is always ‘complimented’ to have two heads. Why are you laughing? That’s a compliment, right? Isn’t it always good to have two heads, rather than owning merely one head? Well, if the claim of having two heads is true then that obviously gives us an extra edge. That in itself proves that we are born smart.

Men are also charged with the allegation that they always think from only one head. Now, what’s wrong in that? When one head is working perfectly fine, then why to give pain to the other one? Isn’t that sheer waste of resources to use both the heads simultaneously? Aren’t we taught that when we have extra resources then it’s our duty to use them prudently and don’t waste them? As such, we simply follow the motto that use one head and let the other head rest for the time being. See, now that is called as optimum utilization of resources and we are a master in that.

On the contrary, those who compliment us for having two heads, as well as, allege us that we think only with one head should actually get there facts right and make a note of the ‘hardcore’ reality, that the extra head can’t work in isolation if the other head is not working properly.

Consistent Soul – Consistency is our birth trait. We are so consistent in our conduct that nothing can distract our actions. Let me explain this with an example. We never get tired following up a woman, even if the woman says loud and clear “on our face” that she is not interested, we still keep on trying and trying. See, how consistent we poor man are. Okay stop giving me those frown looks, I agree we keep on trying until and unless we get another woman to try our luck. Nevertheless, the money, energy and the time we devote in following the females is just commendable. We don’t lose any opportunity to get a glimpse of the girl and gain her attention, by hook or by crook. Doesn’t this prove that men are the most consistent living being present in the universe?

Now, the fact is that man keeps following the woman even after she shows her disinterest, with the only motive to ensure that she is happy and not missing him in his absence. Awe aren’t we a darling to think like that? See how caring and consistent we man are.

Sex Obsessed – Men are accused of thinking about sex 24X7. First of all, I am eager to meet that person who researched a man’s mind and came up with this conclusion. I would like to understand in depth the methodology adopted in their research and will get into every minute detail pertaining to the subject. After all, this is the favourite subject of all men.

I mean really you believe that men only think about sex all the time? Come on, with my experience I can very well say that at least 4 times a day we do think about food too. That’s so unfair if you accuse us of thinking about sex all the time. We are not robots, so please have some mercy and make it 20X7. Now, that sounds much closer to the reality. All man out there you deserve to thank me for bringing that figure 4 hours down with my logic. Although, I know that we won’t miss any chance in those precious 4 hours too.

However, the truth is that we are born with a ‘Sex Pressure’; it’s something like ‘Blood Pressure’. As the blood pressure gets high and low, similarly our sex pressure gets high and low too. So we should rather get a pat on the back, to handle one more pressure in addition to all those pressures that a human being has to go through. As and when, the pressure descends we are so cute, lovable and most importantly ‘productive’. Didn’t you ever notice that?

Uncomplicated Being – I am sure everyone undoubtedly agrees on this point. But still, I will explain this in detail because I have a lot of material on this topic. Yes, men are so simple and uncomplicated. Let me prove this by an example, the uncomplicated man knows only one word i.e. ‘shaving’, as far as, hair removal is concerned. Be it the removal of a beard, moustache, as well as, when anyone gets the entire hair on their head removed we address it as “They shaved their head”. Isn’t life so simple when seen from a man’s eyes? Hair removal = Shave, that’s it, no more complications.

However, as far as, women are concerned there are a couple of terms like Threading, Waxing, Upper lip blah blah blah, and surprisingly all stands for Hair removal. Gosh, that’s sooooooooo complicated. I, sometimes wonder how girls remember all these complicated words. At times, I get so depressed with my memorising power. But, on the second thought, I think that will it suit the girls to say something like “I got my eyebrows shaved”? Oh, my God, that sounds yuck. Now, I can say that some things only suit a man.

In reality, men love to live a simple life and don’t want to give extra pain to their little brain. That’s the very reason that we follow the policy of “less is more”. (Threading, Waxing, Upper lip…Oh God I already feel exhausted)

Sharp Memory – Every man is accused of forgetting things and that to forgetting the important dates. I agree that this is a crime all men are unarguably guilty of. How can we forget dates pertaining to birthday, anniversary, date when we first interacted, date when we first ask her out, date when she finally said yes on being continually begged by us for coming out, date of our first official date, date of this, date of that and the list is never ever forever not ending.

I wonder how can woman “with only one head” remember all those complicated terms (Gosh, I guess I am stuck to Threading, Waxing, Upper lip) when their single head is already working overtime to memorise dates of every single important/not so important activity that happens in their life. On the memory part, you girls undoubtedly score full marks and no man can compete, as far as, remembering dates are concerned.

However, the fact is that we don’t trouble our brain much and, as such, we simply forget to remember that “we need to remember” the important dates. Nevertheless, we do remember the dates to pay the taxes, bills, all street addresses without GPRS facility etcetera. Oops forgot to mention the two important things in our memory list i.e. the names of all of your friends (only girls) and the birthday of your cute friend. Now, don’t you think that all this is a lot of stuff to occupy our small brain? So the next times, whenever you want us to remember anything, then first take the trouble to delete the already existing crap in our mind. Then there is a little chance that we may remember some of the ‘important’ dates as ‘required’ by you.

Cost Conscious – Men are extremely cost conscious. I am sure that’s a known fact, isn’t it? We don’t believe in wasting money on gifts, flowers, chocolate etcetera. No expenditure on makeup kits, body lotions, beauty creams etcetera. At the most, we will apply some lotion on the body parts that are visible (uncovered), like the face and palms. God forbid if any surprise physical check is done on our body and clothes, I am confident and scared that not only the hidden skin will surface up as something that is desperately craving for body lotion but, at the same time, our inner clothes will turn out to be airy too. That’s the proof that to what extreme we can go, as far as, cost saving is concerned. If you don’t believe me then sponsor one such camp of a physical check and let the scary truth be revealed right in front of you.

However, you will be surprised to know the hidden truth behind our indulgence in all those cost saving measures. You know we save because we want the saving to be spent on, for and with you girls. We are so caring, isn’t it? What now? You want to hug me on that revelation? No please, I am hug allergic.

Adjusting Nature – Although, I mentioned in the above point on Cost Conscious that we don’t believe in wasting money on gifts, flowers, chocolates etcetera. But still we are so adjusting that we do spend a lot on that stuff to make the world around us, “a happy place to live in”. However, it will be right to say that during the entire meeting wherein we have gifted something, our mind is too engrossed in calculating the expenditure we made on all those unnecessary things. Okay now take a deep breath and don’t worry I won’t ask you to return all those things that I ever gifted to you (although I wish I could). Wait a minute, I just realised that I never gifted anything to anyone. Wow, I feel so relieved and proud. However, what matters is the fact that we are so adjusting, that against our wish also we do a lot of things.

That was merely one example to convey that we are so adjusting. There are a lot many things that we adjust. Like we adjust our hearing capacity based on the quantum of talks girls do, we adjust our vision based on the girls in our vicinity, we adjust our nostrils and breathing, as and when we find a girl nearby to us etcetera. Oh, men, we are so accommodating and adjusting (Actually, I won’t hide the fact that, I also realised this just now that we adjust so many things).

Innocent – We man by default are innocent. Yes, we are so innocent that most of the time we get used by others for their personal benefits and ‘knowingly’ we ignore it. However, there are people who won’t believe this rather they think that we actually enjoy getting used, especially when the one who is using us is of opposite gender. Okay, to be frank, we do enjoy that but Shhhhh doesn’t share this secret with anyone.

On a serious note, it’s our way of conveying the females that we are always available, irrespective of the reason for which our presence matters in their life. Isn’t that an innocent gesture?

Men are Dogs – Wow that’s a compliment to grab. The most loyal, obedient, unconditional lover and a human-friendly creature is a dog. So if we are compared to dogs then that’s the biggest praise for the entire male community. Yes, we are dogs and that’s a matter of pride for us. There is nothing to argue on that front. I am a dog and I am extremely happy being addressed as a dog.

Just now, I got a thought whether all those who call men as dogs are aware that if all men are dogs then all women will be?

Well, the list of basic attributes seems to be never ending and I can keep going on and on. However, I know that this much is more than enough, as of now, to grab all those ‘compliments’ as mentioned at the start.

What an irony, the same people who talk about the equal rights of gender specific, adjudge all man to be same. I mean, how can anyone say that “All men are alike”? Doesn’t that tantamount to discrimination, in itself? Well, still we the ‘innocent’ men never complaint on the discriminatory treatment that we experience, at every phase of our life.

The entire male fraternity is on the radar of almost everyone, especially when something wrong happens with another ‘human being’, which is of opposite gender. We have all the respect for women, our heart cries out if anything wrong happens with any living being. We are standing side by side, in their good and testing times. We all are human and there are a lot of flaws in each and every one of us. So let’s stop any kind of discrimination and let us all live with utmost love and affection. Be a ‘Humanist’. It’s a humble request to all of you that please stop discriminating the culprit with gender, caste, creed, colour etcetera. They are ‘Inhuman’…Period.

Now, I would like to end this blog with the thought that maybe sometime in future, I may come up with a sequence of this blog to bug you more. So until next time “Men will be Men”, you got to bear with it.

Do take care and keep smiling! God Bless.

Peyush Jain

Posted in Crap, Fun, Humour, Management Lessons, Sarcasm, Sarcastic, Slogging

It’s nothing but Crap

Statutory Warning – This blog is nothing but crap. I really mean it, that there is nothing other than crap, which you are going to find out in this blog. You think I am joking? Well then, it’s absolutely your wish, if you think that I am not serious with what I just wrote. If you still choose to waste your time in reading this crap, then you are solely responsible for your act. Don’t blame me later on that I did not warn you and simply wasted your precious time in a sheer crap.

Okay, now let me give my unused brain a little bit pain and think what I should write that will tantamount to crap. Gosh, I am so dumb. Yes, indeed I am a moron to even think like that. Come on, does writing anything that is crap also require some kind of brainstorming? I am really ashamed on that thought. No more thinking now. Just give me a couple of seconds, while I jot down some random words to come up with another crap write up.

Oh wait, I just realized that whatever I write eventually turns out to be crap only. Wow, I am so relieved after this self-realization. How could I forget, that the very reason I always write crap is because it doesn’t require any kind of smartness, which I obviously lack, and that crap flows naturally from this side?

So, let me once again prove my dumbness by writing crap. Now, don’t you dare give me those frowning looks, expressing loud and clear that “What an irony, people nowadays are proud of their dumbness too”? Well anyway, who cares? I know that I am dumb and how much hard I may try to prove myself smart, all the effort will ultimately go in vain. So, in a way, I don’t have an option but to flaunt my dumbness.

At least, I am honest to admit, unlike people who don’t even realize that what crap they utter and more surprisingly, in turn, they also expect us to praise their knowledge and applause their work. I mean, do they ever listen/read what they speak/write? These people should be severely punished and what could be harsher a punishment than to let them listen/read what they themselves speak/write. They should be forced to suffer from this shock treatment, till the time they realise, as well as, admit it that they are “Master in Crapoism”.

When we look around, we will realize that most of the brainstorming sessions, meetings, conferences, training and presentations etcetera are nothing but a compilation of crap material and crap speaking robotic humans. Huge amount and time are being spent on such unfruitful, not so worthy, sessions. These guys, without any shame, deliver crap, waste the time and energy of the attendees and leave them with a mental disorder, after the end of every such session. So, what’s the big deal, if I honestly admit that I write crap, as well as, feel proud of my talent in vomiting crap every single second? At the same time, I don’t think that there is any harm in a blog dedicated to an honest crap when so many people are shamelessly fooling us with their crap, every single day.

Anyway, time to cut the crap and write something serious now. So what could be serious about a crap? “A crap admitted in Intensive Care Unit (ICU)”? Well, that’s the most serious thing about crap that I could come up with. Doesn’t that sound serious? Okay, I know I have bored you a lot. So before you all kick me out, let me pack up my crap session.

However, this proves that I can’t even write anything serious on crap, as well. Maybe, I should first get myself enrolled for the course named as “Master in Crapoism”. Sorry guys, you got to wait until I get my Master’s degree because only after that I will be able to serve you with more recipes of crap. Be assured that my recipes will be far more delicious and presentable than the crap that we have to bear with, as of now.

Keep your cool guys and be in touch.

God Bless you all!

Peyush Jain