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I am a Bad Mom…

I am a Bad Mom…

I was more shocked than surprised to hear something of this sort coming “out of the blue” from a really good friend and one of the most trusted people. Initially, I thought that such a harsh self-analysis came out of frustration. Hence, in order to know the actual reason, I questioned back to her that what ignited her to reach on to such a brutal conclusion? To be very honest, all this while, at the back of my mind I was wondering did her twins, who are hardly 3 years old now, say or do something which she took literally to her heart.

I am unable to give enough time to my kids. Hence, I am a Bad Mom…Period

Frankly, after knowing the actual reason, I was no more shocked because if we dig deep into the subject, we will realize that this is the mental state of most of the “working mothers”. Majority of them, if not all, live and suffer from this guilt of not being able to spend time with their kids and eventually ends up quitting their job or killing their passion. But is this the right and only approach to deal with such a situation? Most importantly, will the lady be happy ever after and won’t regret this step of her?

Well, it’s a fact that being a mother is not an easy task, irrespective of a mother being a homemaker or a working lady. Obviously, the task becomes more difficult when a mother opts to handle dual-responsibility (to be read as multi-responsibility), and turns into a working mother, out of choice or out of the circumstances. So, does it mean that leaving her job/passion, which she initially opted out of choice, is the only option left in front of her, which will help her workload to lessen a bit?

I know that spending time is one of the most important factors, on which lies the future of any relationship. However, what is the parameter to decide if the time spent with our loved ones is the so-called “enough” or not? Just by spending the whole time with our dear ones, could we grab the title of a Good Mom/Person, in spite of, mentally being present somewhere else throughout that time? Do we assume that the kids can’t adjust from an early age or do we think that it would be wrong on our part to keep them away from us even for some time?

Would spending hours around them just to make ourselves physically available, when actually our heart is somewhere else, do any good for our bonding? If the answer to this question is in affirmative then indeed quitting the job is the right decision else we need to thoroughly think before opting for such a drastic step. It should not happen that we take a spontaneous decision that has a long-lasting effect and then carry on sulking throughout our life.

Before taking any such step just answer this question. Would our kids hate us for not being able to spend a lot of time with them just because we were occupied with our work at times or would we be able to groom them into a mature person, who shall understand our limitations and be considerate enough to love us for the person who we are?

I know we have to sacrifice a lot in a relationship just to see the other person happy but tell me won’t our loved ones be happy seeing us pursuing what we love to do and are passionate for? If yes, then why every time a mother has to sacrifice her job just to raise the kids?

In every relationship, it’s the Quality of Time that matters over the Quantity of Time.” So, even if you try to make yourself “physically” available to your kids all the time, while, you are “mentally” engrossed somewhere else then such kind of presence would never be appreciated by your kids. Trust me, in the long run, it won’t matter that how much time you spent with your kids, what will actually matter is that how much considerate a person you were able to groom your kids into.

Firstly, the man and woman both should understand that raising a family is their mutual responsibility and not someone’s alone, out of the two. Secondly, if you are a working woman and you keep holding that guilt feeling inside you then you will just make things worse for you as well as your kids. Do note that your kids will always love you if you are a good person and help them grew into a sane person as well, irrespective of the time you spend with them.

Further, there is no fixed formula to calculate what exactly the “enough time” is and hence, there is no point in holding on to that guilt. It’s all in our mind. In fact, being a mother is equivalent to being a Project Manager, who has the responsibility of managing the entire project. So, no need to quit something which you love to do. Just hang on to it alongside raising your kids. It’s just a matter of time, so delegate your work and you will surely be able to manage it extremely well like the way you manage all other things.

Do take very good care of yourself, as well as everyone around you.

Stay in touch.

God Bless you all!

Peyush Jain