“I hate you”, “I won’t ever forgive you”, “That person is so bad”, and a number of such negative feelings hit our mind when we are angry or not in the right mood. On the contrary, when we like something or when we are in love, positive and affectionate feelings strike our mind. Whatever may be the feelings, positive or negative, but one thing is sure that it brings ripples into the peaceful mind. But, from where do these feelings actually originate? Are feelings bound to emerge automatically? Is it even possible to control our feelings?
Before unearthing the replies to these questions, let us find out the exact meaning of the word “Feeling”. As per the dictionary, the word feeling means “The experiencing of affective and emotional states” [Reference: Word Web, the free dictionary]. This definition lays emphasis on two words, i.e. experiencing and affective. In the below-mentioned paragraphs, let’s try to understand what these two words stand for, in this particular definition.
To “Experience” something, one has to ‘individually’ go through or live that particular moment. Each one of us has our own individual experiences. We can’t simply say that since one of our close/known ones experienced something, we too, by default, experienced it. No, it doesn’t work like that. Although, we can learn from someone else’s experience still that won’t count as our own experience because it’s nothing else but merely relying on something that someone else has undergone with.
To “Affect” means to leave an impact on. The effect could be momentary, permanent, deep, etcetera. How effective an event is, totally depends on our reaction to that particular situation. Similar to experience, the effect is also individual. Different people get affected differently, given the same circumstances.
So, in simple terms, “Feeling is our reaction against what we experience in that particular moment”. It’s how we behave in a situation that decides the outcome of our emotion. When we feel sad, our emotions pour out in the form of crying. When we feel loved, we may blush. When we get angry, we shout. When we are happy, we smile. Thus, by observing the outer reaction, we can very well guess how that person might be feeling inside.
Now, after knowing that what does a feeling actually mean, let’s try to locate its origination and occurrence. So, that eventually, we can conclude whether it’s actually possible to keep a check on our reaction and thereby control our feelings or not? Mind it, if we are able to control our feelings then it’s the first step towards a peaceful life.
From where do these feelings actually originate? – What we usually see is only an outcome of our feelings, but what happens inside our body is not visible to the open eyes. Say, for example, when we get angry, we actually start fuming inside, before we show our emotions in the form of shouting. Hence, Feelings always originate from inside. Shouting is just a way to express the feeling of anger. In the same circumstances, someone else may choose to keep quiet in spite of being angry.
Are feelings bound to emerge automatically? – Over the time, most of our feelings originate instantly and unconsciously. Our brain learns from our past experiences and gets programmed in such a manner that whenever it encounters a particular situation it tends to react in the same way as earlier, each and every single time. So, if left unchecked, feelings do emerge automatically.
Is it possible to control our feelings? – As mentioned above, if left unchecked feelings tend to emerge automatically. However, if we keep a check on our feelings then we can definitely control them. The saying “It’s easier said than done” quite aptly fits here because it’s not easy to control our feelings, for the simple reason that we have programmed our brain to react in a particular way. If we really want to control our feelings then we have to change this habit of our brain, which requires awareness and constant practice.
We need to always keep our mind aware and constantly remind ourselves that we don’t have to react unconsciously in any situation. If we follow this principle, then with time, we can definitely master the art to control our feelings. We will eventually learn to stay stable, irrespective of the situation. And, when this happens, trust me, we won’t get carried away by emotions anymore and for that matter, no one else will be able to take undue advantage of our feelings.
Well, now you very well know that it’s indeed possible to control our feelings. So, I am sure you will work towards the same. It’s in fact in our benefit to work diligently towards keeping a check on our feelings and control them so that we can enjoy a peaceful life.
I wish that may the Almighty give good sense to each one of us.
Stay in touch.