Happy International Omen’s Day…Oops, I mean Happy International Women’s Day. Sorry for the misspelling, but wait, I think there is no harm in addressing it as an Omen’s (Warning) day too. Come on, now don’t scare me with those frown looks. Don’t you know that there is always some logic behind everything that comes from this side? Okay, Okay, sorry once again, I just realized that “most of the time”, I talk illogical crap. What now? Why you raising your eyebrows again? I can see that your eyebrows are perfectly trimmed, the eyeliner is accurately lined up and the eyeshadow is quite mesmerising, but still, as I have a weak heart, so please stop frightening me always. Grrrr, you are not going to listen to me right? Fine, I stand corrected again, “I ALWAYS talk illogical crap”. Gosh, you guys always take advantage of my honesty and innocence.
Your honour (Dear Women), kindly allow me to present my case, in order to prove my stand that why this day could also be addressed as an Omen’s Day. I assure you that if you are not satisfied with my arguments (which is highly probable), then I will agree to whatever you decide, in the said case. I know, mentioning the last statement hardly mattered, because we men never have a chance to decide on anything in which the smarter gender i.e. Woman is involved. And, with my personal experience, “without any shame”, I can admit that in most of the decisions that we male take, “ignoring or going against the wish of a woman”, we have a consistent track record of messing up things. So, I better let all the women’s to be the judge to decide on this issue and I will accept the judgement gracefully, later on (as if I had any other choice).
So, with your due permission, Your Honour, I would like to start the proceedings of this case, under consideration, with the honourable Women’s Court. With utmost due respect to all the women, I herewith list down the various arguments in favour of my plea i.e. why is it rightful to address this day as an Omen’s (Warning) Day, especially for we men.
- It’s a day to warn every stupid male like me that there are smarter souls known as Woman on this planet, who have the courage and the talent to slash away anyone who tries to act ‘smart’ with them. Realization: The sooner, the better it will be if we men realize that our brain is not in our head (I request you to kindly read the next statement before you start locating our brain at some weird places in our body). Actually, it would be best on our part to admit the fact that we men don’t have a working brain. Trust me this self-realization and acceptance will help us in long run, not only by acting as a shield against any foolish thing that we are surely going to attempt, time and again. But also, it will help in proving that the theory, which says that “a man’s brain is located at some weird place in his body” is null and void (Shhhhh, I know this theory is true to core, but don’t you all man agree with me that it’s better to be adjudged as brainless, than to get teased regularly for having brain at some weird place?).
- This day comes with a warning to every man that not only this date but each and every single date, along with at least the occasion concerned, needs to be remembered by heart, if we wish to survive peacefully throughout our life. Example: All those dates (if any), where you dared to get into any kind of verbal arguments/fights with a woman, along with the time and reason thereof. It is noteworthy here to mention that the reason for arguments/fights that need to be remembered should not be the core issue on which the arguments/fights actually started, rather it should be the one where it ultimately led to, like, why was the finger being raised, why did you shout, why were you laughing in the mid of a serious discussion and the list goes, on and on. Similarly, other dates like date of birth, date of your first Date, date of marriage, date of the first fight (yes really), date of this and date of that, all needs to be remembered without fail. All in all, an event calendar is supposed to be hanging by default in our head (for that reason, wherever that head is located in our body). Try forgetting any date that is ‘important’ as per the definition of a woman, after that be assured that you will never forget any date in any of your future incarnations too.
- It warns us that if we love our life and want to simply live then we can’t be an enemy of this powerful soul. In simple words, it reminds us that we need to agree and surrender to the women’s wish for a peaceful world. Proverb: “Pani mein rahkar, magar se bair nahi kartey” (You cannot live in Rome and fight with Pope). Even if we take a slight possibility that one daring man tries to stand against the women, then let us check beforehand, whether there are any chances of his surviving against all odds or not. Will he score more on smartness, dedication, commitment, leadership qualities, pain tolerating capacity, caring and selfless love? The answer to any of such attributes is a straightaway ‘No’. Yes, a man can never match their scale however hard he may try (I am an exception though). As such, it is better for each one of us to accept the Women Power and crown them the indisputable ruler. Why waste our limited energy in a lost battle? In case any man still has the slightest doubt then I would like to draw his attention towards the warning that “do you love your life and want to live or not”.
- It’s an open warning to every man that all women are same and should be looked upon and treated at par. Dare you, this does not mean that we men got the license to stare wishfully at every other woman. As if you are going to stop staring in absence of any valid licence? Now please come out of your dreams, stop drooling and concentrate. On a serious note, this point only talks about the due respect and equality which every woman deserves. Precaution: In the larger interest of the male fraternity, it would be right to mention here that don’t follow this rule blindly. What I mean to say here is that every time a woman asks your opinion about her looks, dress, etcetera, you should not take a reference to this point and later on blame me. In such circumstances, you are not supposed to utter that all woman were looking good (which depicts equality) or that her clothes were as good as the lady in so and so attire (which depicts nothing more than that you were staring that lady the entire time, which is your favourite hobby right). I guarantee that you will be in a deep mess if you try to reply like that. Instead, you should be complimenting her without comparisons and obviously, your replies have to revolve around her praises (I hope you remember the proverb mentioned in point number 3 above).
- The above-mentioned list is not exhaustive and if required, more arguments could be laid on the table, in any future hearings, as per the orders of the honourable and learned judges.
Now, I would like to end my arguments with the sheer hope that my points will be taken up in the right sense and the case shall be decided upon the merits concerned, without giving any thoughts to points like my dressing sense, my appearance, the colour of the courtroom walls, the mismatch between the colour of the furniture and the walls, etcetera. I herewith put my case in the Women’s court to decide on the issue concerned or on anything that they think is appropriate to decide upon, “irrespective of the core issue”. Your highness, now the ball is in your court.
Once again, I wish all the women a Very Happy International Women’s Day! Thanks for being a part of our life and mending the hopeless males like me so that we can at least qualify to be considered somewhere near to be a human. Thanks for obliging us by your mere presence on this planet earth. Life would have been dull and boring, without your colourful soul. You give meaning to our live. Men and Women are like two wheels of a vehicle; in absence of one, the other is incomplete. Stay together and be there always.
Be happy and stay fit and fine. Do take a very good care of you (I mean over and above the pedicures, manicures, upper lips, blah blah blah).
Be in touch.
God bless you all!