Posted in Blog, Blogging, Slogging

Blogging – My way of Slogging

First of all, I am thankful to all those who are ‘investing’ their precious time in reading my blogs. Let me take this opportunity to welcome you into my “World of Thoughts”. Come and experience the voyage of unexplored areas, the diversity of views captured with an unbiased aperture and the aroma of fresh thoughts with the topping of Boldness and Sarcasm.

The thought behind my writing has always been to revolutionize the thought process which is overpowered with the set obsolete parameters, as well as, to bring into life, a new perspective towards everything around us. When I am penning down these lines, the beautiful composition by Mr. Dushyant Kumar Tyagi strikes my mind, “Sirf hungama khada karna mera maksad nahi, Meri koshish hai ki yeh soorat badalni chahiye; Merey seeney mein nahi to terey seeney mein sahi, Ho kahin bhi aag lekin aag jalni chahiye. The meaning of this verse (in my words) is that – My only motive is not of rabble-rousing, but my efforts are directed towards bringing about a change; I want the fire of awareness to lit somewhere, if not in my heart then maybe in yours, but the fire has to lit.

When the thought to start my blogging website popped up my mind, the devil inside me, with a lift of his thick eyebrow asked: “Mr. Jain, why Blogging”? The reply to my inner self was spontaneous, that writing is my passion, I simply love to write and Blogging for me is definitely, my way of Slogging. Slogging the ill customs, slogging the corrupt system, slogging the injustice happening around us, slogging the boundaries that block our freedom, slogging the ugly thoughts of a few rotten souls, who try to impose their way of thinking on the masses, all in all, slogging everything that is inhuman.

Precisely I could say that “Blogging is my way of celebrating the freedom of expression”. Above all, my own website will surely give me the freedom to try different genres of writing, with the utmost honesty. It’s an attempt to sow the seed of a fresh way of thinking and reaping the plant into a full-grown up tree, which will eventually develop into a “Forest of Thoughts” that flourishes on its own, without any restrictions.

I know it takes a lot of guts to flow against the powerful wind, to swim against the high tides and to try something new and different in life. However, the tryst with a new avenue is one of the energizing factors of my life. As, rightly said by Mr. Azeem Dehalvi, Girtey hain sheh-savar he maidan-e-jung mein, Woh tifl kya girey jo ghutno ke bal chaley”. The gist of this verse is that brave are those who try and fall, cowards are those who chose to crawl.

There is a reflection of the writer’s personality in everything that they compose from their heart. Every write-up showcases the beliefs and thoughts of the author behind it, and at the same time, portrays something about their personality. Whenever we read something it not only educates us with the content of the write-up, but it also offers us an opportunity to peep into the life of a writer. So, here I am, in the public court, with every blog of mine. Hope the readers like my blogs and could correlate with them. It will be an honour if the readers are able to gain something worth from my write ups. At the same time, it will be my pleasure to know your honest views. Each and every single feedback is highly appreciated. So do not hesitate to comment with utmost truth in your words.

Once again heartfelt thanks to all the avid readers out there. Readers are a writer’s strength and one of the motivating factors that keep the writer always alive. All the honest readers are undoubtedly the unbiased mirror of a writer’s content. Comment, criticise, like, dislike, agree, disagree and be honest in your feedback, etcetera, but above all, be there always, in all the ways. Keep reading and keep learning.

I wish you all a very healthy, happy and a prosperous life.

Love to all. Be in touch.

Take care and God Bless!

Peyush Jain

Posted in Fart, Fun, Human Tendency, Humour, Sarcasm, Sarcastic, Slogging

Fart – A Scientific Art

For all those who are having any doubt about the topic of this blog, let me make it very clear that this blog is literally about the “Real” Fart. Yes, you read it right, the very same fart that all of us release out, but none of us ever want to accept that we are the one who gestated and delivered that fart. Now please, come out of that shock mode, everyone is aware that you fart too. However, accept my apologies for “busting” that illusionary bubble of yours. Because if not me, then who else will think about the pain of a fart? Alas, the poor fart is always left alone to flow as per its fate. So this blog is a tribute to the parentless child named as Fart.

Fart is a Scientific Art”. Why it is Scientific is because of the obvious reason that the entire process of farting is in itself an outcome of a scientific activity going on in our body. But this blog is not to educate on the scientific process, so we will only concentrate on the artistic side of the fart. Now, I am pretty sure that you must be eager to know that why I referred Fart as an Art. Yes, you guessed it right, I am insane. However, that is not the reason behind referring it as an art. And, I am extremely sorry to say, but I am not going to “break the wind” so easily. Hence, you have to patiently read the blog till the end, to figure out the artistic blend associated with the fart.

First of all, let us refer Word Web, the “free” dictionary to know the meaning of Fart. The dictionary defines Fart as “A reflex that expels intestinal gas through the anus”. Now, to expand the fart, Oops, I mean to expand the meaning of the word fart, I further elaborated the words like a reflex, expels, gas and anus from the above-mentioned definition. The outcome is a detailed definition of Fart which expels like this “An automatic instinctive unlearned reaction to a stimulus, that forces to move out the intestinal fluid in the gaseous state having neither independent shape nor volume and being able to expand indefinitely, through the excretory opening at the end of the alimentary canal”. This is the best definition of fart that I can come up with and the entire credit goes to Word Web, the “free” dictionary (as always, the emphasis is on the word free).

Now, I have to admit that I am laughing uncontrollably after reading the expanded definition of fart. The words “Automatic unlearned reaction having neither independent shape nor volume and being able to expand indefinitely”, makes me remember some of the weirdest incidences that my ears and nose ever encountered. Gosh! I am really insane, who else on earth will remember such yuck incidences. I should better consult a doctor and get my head checked thoroughly before it’s too late. Note: I consciously mentioned head instead of a brain in the last sentence.

So, after getting well versed with the detailed definition of the word fart, I think it’s the right time to unveil the secret behind referring Fart as an Art. Well, it as an art because there is an artistic blend in breaking the wind out without getting noticed, playing it safe and if, by any chance, you got stuck in an embarrassing situation then how to come out of it with dignity. I will throw some light on this art later in the blog. However, for mastering the art you have to enroll for the “Bachelor in Farts” course. What? You never heard about that course? Okay, in that case, I will take the pain to start that course solely for you.

I, strongly recommend that every individual should be taught and certified as a “Bachelor in Farts”. Especially, those people who feel proud in farting out loud. Yes, there are people out there who really feel proud in showcasing their farting talent. I don’t know what goes in their mind and what is their motto behind it, but that’s the hard-core reality that many people do Fart Out Loud (FOL), with the utmost force they can, while moving their legs in different angles, and to our surprise they don’t stop then and there, but further accompany it with a sigh of relief like Aaahhhh, after which you can witness the pride that runs on their face. It seems as if they have won a war against an enemy who was “backstabbing” them. I mean, it’s still fine if such people are not ashamed of their act, but at least they should realize it, that there is nothing in fart to feel proud about. On the contrary, the hearing and smelling senses of the people who are party to their explosion are at stake. So with due respect, to all such people who are obsessed with the public display of their farting talent, I would like to say that you guys owe a mass apology to the entire universe, not because you fart, but because you feel proud of your inhuman talent. All such people should take some learning from this blog.

Now, coming back to the artistic side of fart, there could be broadly three circumstances which may land us in an embarrassing situation and one can come out from it only in an artistic manner. These three circumstances will highlight the step by step artistic procedure to be followed in order to save ourselves from getting humiliated because of farting in public.

  • At times of emergency, when it is not possible to control and we could not find a place to defecate in the vicinity. The artistic procedure to be followed in order to release a fart in public in such circumstances is –
  1. Rush to the nearest secluded place.
  2. Look around to ensure that none of the ear holes and nostril hairs is in the vicinity.
  3. Release the fart in a muted mode.
  4. Without wasting any moment vacate that area.
  5. Mingle in the crowd with a smile, as if nothing really happened.
  6. Mission Accomplished. Over and Out!!!
  7. However, be ready to face any charges if someone gets fainted because of inhaling any kind of poisonous gas or if someone got deaf for a few minutes after hearing some loud explosion etcetera.
  • At times of extreme emergency, when it is not possible to control and we could not even move i.e. no other option but to fart at the very place we are at that moment. The artistic procedure to be followed in order to release a fart in public in this situation is –
  1. Follow step number 3 to 6 from the above process.
  2. However, please note that probability of occurrence of point number 7 is higher in this situation.
  • At all other times, when the automatic unlearned reaction blasts out loud just like that, all eyes turns towards us and our center is actually a centre of attraction. In a nutshell when we have landed into an embarrassing situation of farting out loud in public. The artistic procedure to be followed in order to come out of this humiliating situation is –
  1. Since we neither got the chance to follow any of the above-mentioned steps nor could we control it from blasting, as it already exploded in an unlearned and unmuted state. So we can’t run away from taking the responsibility of our baby in this situation.
  2. Hence, without any shame, we have to acknowledge the fact that we are the single parent of that fart.
  3. After acknowledging the fact, we should start lecturing people about the benefits of farting, as much as we can. This means more than what we actually know about the subject. It will be best if we can include real life incidences, which lead to the occurrence of major illness from controlling fart, etcetera. All in all, it’s our attempt to prove that why farting is important for the very existence of the living beings and that one must not feel ashamed about it. But yes no need to educate them about what we ate, that made us fart (they obviously know it by then).
  4. Finally, it is advisable to leave the place immediately after that, because people need to breathe properly and also they need to gossip and laugh at our brave attempt. So better vacate that area before we are adjudged as a culprit for mass fainting.

So, now you are aware of the artistic blend of fart too. I sincerely hope that this blog will at least turn the FOL people into decent farting souls. Keep your doubts aside and feel relieved after breaking the wind in a “decent manner”. However, don’t take it as an excuse that you can fart freely. I mean at the very first place check what you eat and secondly don’t be a reason for the global warming. Lastly and most importantly, dare you if you do that when I am around. Mind it that at all such times, when I am in your vicinity, you have no other option but to control your fartilicious intentions.

At the end of this blog, I would like to state to all those who think that fart is not a part of their life and to all those who are looking at me with disgraceful eyes that “Guys excuse me please because I am very human”. Pooh! The Sigh of Relief.

Peyush Jain

Posted in Brave, Courage, Festival, Goddess, Human Tendency, Hypocrite, Injustice, Inspiration, Intolerance, Motivation, Navratri, Slogging, Tolerance, Victim, Violence, Woman, Worship

Navratri – Time to worship a Goddess, in real sense

It’s the time of the year that marks the celebration of Navratri in India. Navratri is the festival of worshiping the goddesses of courage. The goddess which symbolizes a lady who is courageous enough to stand for her rights, a lady who is not afraid of anything, a lady who doesn’t differentiate between the doers of injustice, but instead make sure that whoever is the culprit gets punished for their acts, a lady who don’t sulk in pain, a lady who is an idol in real sense. So it’s the right time to recognize and show our respect towards the real living goddesses on planet earth i.e. all those ladies whose conducts showcase that they overcome all the odds in life with the courage they carry.

At the start of this blog, let me make it very clear that I am writing this blog, with all my senses, and I have no regrets for anyone who is “intended” to get hurt because of the contents of this blog. This blog is meant to hurt the feelings of all those females “who think themselves as helpless”. However, this does not imply to hurt all those females who are trapped in such a situation, wherein it’s impossible for them to make their voice heard. At the same time, this blog will serve its purpose, if it is also able to hurt the feelings of all those hypocrites, who publicly preach about the rights of a woman, but in reality, don’t hesitate in snatching away the dignity of the ladies that comes on their radar. Most importantly this blog is to recognize and respect the real goddesses around us, who are brave in their thoughts, as well as, in their conducts.

It is rightly said that tolerating sin, is a sin as well. Not only the one who do injustice but the one who tolerates the injustice done with them are equally responsible. So, all those females who think that they are helpless, and hence don’t stand against the injustice done to them or don’t even try to disclose the injustice that has happened to them, should also be held responsible for any misdeeds that happened with them. Yes, if you don’t have the guts to come out in open and speak for your rights or drag the culprits out and bring those wrongdoers in public eye, then you are making your life miserable. And mind it, by you being silent, not only you alone become the victim of such insane people, but in a way, you help them in victimising the other girls too. Have the courage to speak out ‘LOUD’ at the very first incidence; else you are going to be slaughtered with many such incidences, every now and then, in your life.

Even children know that when they are hungry they have to cry and make a sound for their mother to realize that the child is hungry and feed them. Then aren’t we all in a far better position to understand that without making our voice heard, we may not get what we deserve? Hence, until the time you unveil about the misdeeds that are happening with you, you are not going to get any help, neither you will be able to come out of that vicious circle, nor you can stop such ill minded people. Girls you got to wake up before it’s too late because no one else will help you until you help yourself. If you are afraid that what people will say when you disclose any such incidences, then keep getting scared because people have to say something on everything, and sorry to say that you have no other option then to sulk in pain. And for all those who fear for their life, do remember that it’s better to sacrifice our life fighting against the injustice, then to keep tolerating the misdeeds and continue living a life in pain.

Instead of begging for sympathies for all the wrong that happened with you, have the courage to come out in open and disclose the culprits. Till the time you do this, nothing is going to change the fate. Sympathies are for the ones who fight for their right, not for the ones who choose to live their life getting submerged in the quicksand of injustice. Whatever choice you make, it’s your life and your decision, but do remember that there are girls out there who are bold enough to take their first step and ensure that such ill minded people get what they deserve. All such living goddesses portray that although the circumstances forced them to encounter the worst moments of their life, but still all that suffering could not shatter their courage and they came out bravely in public like a tigress, against all those who did injustice towards them.

Hypocrites, who preach about woman’s right in public, but actually take advantage of all the females that come in contact with them, are like a sleeper cell. They may be living a respectful life around us, as an admired personality. They can be the father, brother, husband, neighbour, boss, senior, colleague, or in any other form. However, their real intentions are known only to the one who gets victimised by their acts. There is no other way to identify such lechers, till the victims open their mouth against them. So, ladies, you have to come out in open and reveal the identity of all these offenders.

All the hypocrite souls out there, do remember that when these ladies overcome their fear, it will be your last day to live a respectful life hiding behind the fake mask of decency you wear on. So better you stop your sinful acts and show respect towards other ‘living’ beings. Don’t treat women as a mere object to satisfy your lust. Don’t dare to misuse your positions to take advantage of the ladies that are in your vicinity. It will be your biggest mistake if you think that the woman is a weaker gender. It’s a woman who kept you in her womb and tolerated the immense pain during the delivery, which males can never ever think of going through. So the next time before you even think of snatching away the dignity of any woman, do remember that she could be a real goddess to slaughter you and your lust.

As I always say that “It’s a high time we male take a pledge, that let the female be our mother, sister, friend, colleague, wife or in any other relation to name with but never ever be our victim”. So sooner the better every male realize woman as an important being on the planet and not an object to fulfil their undesirable lust.

This “Navratri”, make it a point to worship a real goddess, in a real sense. Worshiping in real sense means that we not only give them the respect they deserve as a living being but also recognize their hard work, their pains, their courage, as well as, stand with them in their time of needs. I would request all the females that do realize your strength and never ever consider yourself as helpless. Every one of you is a goddess of courage; it’s just that you have to realize your potentials. As Mr. Muhammed Iqbal rightly said that “Khudi ko kar buland itna, ke har taqdeer se pehley, khuda bandey se khud poochey, bata teri raza kya hai”.

It’s a request on this day of Navratri to all the brave ladies out there to accept a bow, as a gesture of respect. Hats off to all of you, for the courage you depict and sorry that at times you have to bear a lot of hardship. Be safe always in all the ways.

Happy Navratri!!!

Peyush Jain

Posted in Fun, Happiness, Humour, Life, Love, Morning, Non-Living beings, Sarcasm, Sarcastic

A Usual Lazy Morning – Instilling life in the Non-Living things

It’s one of those ‘usual lazy mornings’ where I have to constantly fight with my inner thoughts to wake me up from the ever relaxing sleep. As a routine, there is nothing special about my mornings. But nevertheless, I am here to flaunt my lazy morning. Isn’t that brave enough to even think of doing it? Well, I am in love with everything that makes me feel my presence, be it a living being or a non-living being. I believe that we should live our life in this way, where we derive happiness and love from every minute particle.

In order to describe the look of my usual lazy morning, let me explain the three words individually i.e. Usual, Lazy and Morning, taking into consideration the connection between them. These three words will fairly demonstrate my usual lazy morning. So fasten your seat belts, enjoy the journey and if by any chance you happen to correlate yourself with my morning, then it’s a mere coincidence, don’t accuse me of peeping in your mornings.

What makes my morning ‘Usual’ is a series of things that flow exactly the same way, on any usual day. Like, the hairs are all messed up on account of the night long romance they had with the quilt. The eyes are still struggling to capture the beauty named ‘Sleep’. The ears are insensitive to even the creepiest sound of the alarm clock. The lips are trying hard to figure it out that, in the silence of the night, which of the naughty pillow enjoyed their touch. While the mind is engrossed in stitching together the broken pieces of dreams which it dated for the whole night.

Now, the very reason for my morning to turn as ‘Lazy’ is the turbulence of thoughts running in the mind. It seems as if the entire body is discussing or rather arguing on the issue that whether it desperately needs to complete the long-pending sleep or should it be generous enough to forego it for one more day. As an outcome of this heated argument, all the brain cells get drained out and eventually turn my morning lazy. No wonder, I see myself as a strong contender for a bravery award, for conquering all these thoughts every morning and pulling out my body from the cosy quilt.

Last but not the least; it’s a ‘Morning’, simply because everybody says so. Although, I tried to convince them that in my room it’s still night, as all the curtains are diligently performing their duty by hanging intact against the windows and not allowing even a ray of light to trespass in the room. But alas, I always fail to convince these stubborn people. On the contrary, they make sure to brutally accuse me of being stupid to come up with such lame excuses. So eventually this poor soul is left with no other option than to accept it as a Morning.

So, after a long struggle and a series of meetings with the delegates of my body parts, I somehow manage to drag my body in front of the mirror. Herewith, I would like to make it ‘extra clear’ that I did not take this risky step of facing the mirror early morning, in order to see my messed up look and spoil my whole day, instead this is an attempt to start my day with the daily chore of brushing my teeth’s. Don’t you dare give me those surprising looks? Yes, I brush daily and I do feel proud in disclosing that I have an unbeatable record of aromatic breath till date, because none of the pillows, whom I embraced, ever lodged any complaint about my mouth being stinky. In fact, we always enjoy each other’s closeness.

Thus, here I am, standing in front of the mirror; gently holding my adorable ancient toothbrush (toothy), whose bristles seems not to be in sync with each other anymore. I guess the bristles hate the very sight of each other; as such they are stretching themselves to the farthest in opposite directions. I sometimes get the vibes that it is only me who is holding on to this age-long relationship with the toothy, while on the other hand, my toothy is conspiring to ditch me since very long time. However, regardless to the conspiracies (if any), every time I lick the bristles; I try to portray my utmost ‘unconditional’ love towards my toothy and whispers in its ears that I will keep loving it forever and ever.

I guess it’s only because of these little-little loving moments with the toothy that I gather the courage to face the mirror every morning. Even though, time and again, this question pops up in my mind that “Is this process of brushing our teeth performed to kill the bristles or is it to kill the germs in our mouth”. Don’t know who gets killed, but one thing is for sure that after every brushing session the mouth smells good, the teeth feel energetic, while on the contrary, the bristles seem too much exhausted with the attempt.

So herewith, I apply the lip balm called as toothpaste, on the soft lips of the bristles. Now, it’s for the toothy to showcase its feelings towards me. The toothy very calmly enters my mouth and starts massaging my teeth’s and my gums, with the gentle touches of the bristles. I would not deny that I am blushing here while disclosing that I get overwhelmed by the loving touches of my toothy.

While this activity of brushing is going on, I notice that the toothpaste is trying hard to stare the mirror by peeping out from the side of my lips. I am sure the toothpaste is self-obsessed and leaves no chance to glance its look in the mirror. In an attempt to abstain the toothpaste from making me look uglier, I rinse my mouth, wash my face and end the brushing session abruptly. I am sure the toothpaste hates me for this.

Now it’s time to freshen up and let the shower stare at me. Naughty guys, you seriously think that I will unearth the bathing secrets here? Na Na…those are confidential moments between me and the shower. No intruders allowed inside the washroom, please. So that’s all I have to flaunt about my usual lazy morning.

Hope you guys could relate to this blog. The crux of the blog is that one needs to enjoy every moment of life. If we change our perspective to view things, the dullest of the activity will turn into an entertaining blockbuster. So keep smiling guys, life is too beautiful to waste it.

Peyush Jain